A note on Narcissistic Personality Disorders.
1. Narcissists are highly manipulative individuals.
After engaging in abusive behavior, and when their victims have had enough, they:
a) are chronically unable to assume responsibility for their behavior
b) turn to "victim blaming"
c) twist the narrative
d) put on the "victim" or "protector"role
e) recruit as much outside support as they can
This is commonly called "gaslighting".
2. They are dependent on social approval, have low tolerance to criticism, they need to be admired and to be the protagonists.
Due to their largely immature psychological functioning, narcissists tend to organize their social network around people that can organize and maintain an external image and narrative of the narcissist as essentially good and/or admirable.
They try hard to fit the social desirability narrative. Thus, they create and operate through a "false self".
Because of that, we will tend to notice incongruities between what the narcissist conveys and the observable reality, as the narcissist will always deny or justify these narrative loopholes.
The people with whom narcissists surround themselves with tend to be either people they admire or people that admire them. The latter are often more immature in character or have a poorer sense of self-esteem, they often doubt themselves, which leads them to admire the narcissist often without much questioning. Narcissists love this, and promptly offer themselves as a rock or guiding light, the entry point to be almost immediately admired. Their drug of choice.
3. They suffer from chronic envy.
Narcissists are often detected by badmouthing others without provocation. "Oh, they think they are so special/intelligent/notorious/wealthy/etc....".
Those perceived traits threaten the narcissist's need for protagonism and detonate their psychological stability, as they are traits that take attention AWAY from the narcissist and/or represent aspects narcissists deeply want for themselves and imagine they would make them feel whole and ok if they had those.
Other times they just paint others as all bad or "trash".
4. They have a large pool of despise inside of them.
Not only for the reasons mentioned above, but also because they project onto others what they most despise in themselves (self-disdain).
Their weak, vulnerable socially awkward and unlovable self is often suppressed and projected onto others, along with dynamics of disdain and abuse.
This inner war also makes narcissists dependent on external esteem (as opposed to self-esteem) and unable to truly rest.
5. Decent friends, poor lovers.
Narcissists can be relatively good friends, but they have a very poor capacity for true intimacy, as they are disconnected from themselves, often without even knowing about it, and have a severe compromise of empathy, often perceived as a sign of weakness - which in reality is the doorway to the true traumatized small child hidden/suppressed deep inside of them, the part of themselves they truly hate.
6. They project a false sense of strength.
Narcissists will tend to deny having problems and will try to come off as always being in control. They project a false sense of strength which is in fact omnipotence, the denial of dependency needs and vulnerability - the extreme form of psychological weakness.
Although narcissists can adapt very well to ruthless corporate environments, they do poorly with human relations and connections based on trust and intimacy.
Malign narcissism happens when in the presence of unbearable psychological suffering, and it comes with the need to destroy others and their reputations. Because of this, there are many support groups for victims of narcissists. They always cause severe destruction in other people's lives, often while telling their victims they are the best thing that has ever happened to them.
They may often retract from social interactions as there won't be anyone present to admire them, or they may deem others "unworthy".
All these psychological dynamics belong to the psychotic level of psychological functioning.
The emotional life of a narcissist is mostly composed of envy, rage, shame and boredom/emptiness.
Dr. Diogo Gonçalves
Clinical Psychologist
Psychotherapist
1. Narcissists are highly manipulative individuals.
After engaging in abusive behavior, and when their victims have had enough, they:
a) are chronically unable to assume responsibility for their behavior
b) turn to "victim blaming"
c) twist the narrative
d) put on the "victim" or "protector"role
e) recruit as much outside support as they can
This is commonly called "gaslighting".
2. They are dependent on social approval, have low tolerance to criticism, they need to be admired and to be the protagonists.
Due to their largely immature psychological functioning, narcissists tend to organize their social network around people that can organize and maintain an external image and narrative of the narcissist as essentially good and/or admirable.
They try hard to fit the social desirability narrative. Thus, they create and operate through a "false self".
Because of that, we will tend to notice incongruities between what the narcissist conveys and the observable reality, as the narcissist will always deny or justify these narrative loopholes.
The people with whom narcissists surround themselves with tend to be either people they admire or people that admire them. The latter are often more immature in character or have a poorer sense of self-esteem, they often doubt themselves, which leads them to admire the narcissist often without much questioning. Narcissists love this, and promptly offer themselves as a rock or guiding light, the entry point to be almost immediately admired. Their drug of choice.
3. They suffer from chronic envy.
Narcissists are often detected by badmouthing others without provocation. "Oh, they think they are so special/intelligent/notorious/wealthy/etc....".
Those perceived traits threaten the narcissist's need for protagonism and detonate their psychological stability, as they are traits that take attention AWAY from the narcissist and/or represent aspects narcissists deeply want for themselves and imagine they would make them feel whole and ok if they had those.
Other times they just paint others as all bad or "trash".
4. They have a large pool of despise inside of them.
Not only for the reasons mentioned above, but also because they project onto others what they most despise in themselves (self-disdain).
Their weak, vulnerable socially awkward and unlovable self is often suppressed and projected onto others, along with dynamics of disdain and abuse.
This inner war also makes narcissists dependent on external esteem (as opposed to self-esteem) and unable to truly rest.
5. Decent friends, poor lovers.
Narcissists can be relatively good friends, but they have a very poor capacity for true intimacy, as they are disconnected from themselves, often without even knowing about it, and have a severe compromise of empathy, often perceived as a sign of weakness - which in reality is the doorway to the true traumatized small child hidden/suppressed deep inside of them, the part of themselves they truly hate.
6. They project a false sense of strength.
Narcissists will tend to deny having problems and will try to come off as always being in control. They project a false sense of strength which is in fact omnipotence, the denial of dependency needs and vulnerability - the extreme form of psychological weakness.
Although narcissists can adapt very well to ruthless corporate environments, they do poorly with human relations and connections based on trust and intimacy.
Malign narcissism happens when in the presence of unbearable psychological suffering, and it comes with the need to destroy others and their reputations. Because of this, there are many support groups for victims of narcissists. They always cause severe destruction in other people's lives, often while telling their victims they are the best thing that has ever happened to them.
They may often retract from social interactions as there won't be anyone present to admire them, or they may deem others "unworthy".
All these psychological dynamics belong to the psychotic level of psychological functioning.
The emotional life of a narcissist is mostly composed of envy, rage, shame and boredom/emptiness.
Dr. Diogo Gonçalves
Clinical Psychologist
Psychotherapist