Struggling to understand the root of your anxiety, depression or struggles/unsatisfaction in your relationships?
Sit comfortably in a chair, all by yourself. Make sure it's a quiet place, and you will not be interrupted, or this will be ineffective.
Make sure that nothing is requiring your immediate attention, that you don't need to put out any "fires" or are short on time. If you are in a "reactive" mode, this won't work.
Make sure there is little to no physical tension in your body and that you are calm. Or at least tolerate any tension that may arise, though it may interfere.
For the following, it's best to pause at every step. Do not rush through. It takes a few minutes (not seconds) to go through this.
Now,
1. Focus on your own self. Exclusively on your own self. (pause)
2. Is your body comfortable? Go on and try to feel your body. (pause)
3. If so, what's going on in your soul? How do you feel? (pause)
4. Now, are any of those things preventing you from relaxing and being present in the here and now with yourself? If so, you need to attend to those issues beforehand.
5. If you are currently relaxed, focus on yourself, again. (pause). Then head down, deep within yourself. To the very depths of you. Head deep, to the very basement within you, your most inner place. The place where your infant, young, little you is. We all have that place within ourselves.
5. Once you reach that inner part of yourself, try to understand how old is that small child you just found, what are they doing, how are they dressed, what do the sorroundings look like, and mostly how do they feel. Also, how did they end up there and if there are any adults with them or are they all by themselves. (pause)
Do what you feel you must with what you just unveiled. That inner child usually needs to be cuddled, lulled and soothed into a profound healing that ends up extending to deeply rooted issues and traumas.
Another dive,
1. Imagine your caregiver right in front of you. This is usually your mother.
2. Now visualize a string of light connecting your chest to their chest. That is your connection to them. (pause)
3. Take hold of all your sadness, tears, worries, depression or anxiety within you, and give them a color - if you feel they have different colors, pick the ones related to your tears and despair first. Intense feelings mostly.
4. Take that color within you and send it through the string of light, right into your caregiver's chest. FEEL yourself doing this, don't just imagine without intent. Send them everything, if you can. Sit here for a few moments, try to understand how you feel while doing this and how the other party feels or how they react in response. (stop and pause)
5. What happened just now?
Did it go through or did you refrain yourself?
Did the other party receive what you put in them with calmness, warmness, making you feel understood, protected, and loved?
Was the other party unable to truly receive what you sent them? Were they dismissive? Did they get uncomfortable or anxious?
Did they turn their back on you or tried to justify themselves while making you feel guilty or inadequate? Did they get angry?
Do this with the other colors as well, the ones assigned to your anxiety and/or helplessness and your anger, individually for every color. You can try it with both parents and also with your partner or spouse, though these are different relationships.
All this reflects our attachment styles, how we may feel and act more confidently or unsure of ourselves in regard to the world, to others and in our relationships.
If we did not have a good enough experience of being able to be and express EVERYTHING within ourselves to a caregiver (a parent or therapist, for instances), while feeling safe, understood and loved or truly cared for, then it's likely that we suffer from some degree of anxiety, depression and struggles in intimate relationships (unsatisfaction, demandingness, instability, etc.).
Dr. Diogo Gonçalves
Clinical Psychologist
Psychotherapist
Sit comfortably in a chair, all by yourself. Make sure it's a quiet place, and you will not be interrupted, or this will be ineffective.
Make sure that nothing is requiring your immediate attention, that you don't need to put out any "fires" or are short on time. If you are in a "reactive" mode, this won't work.
Make sure there is little to no physical tension in your body and that you are calm. Or at least tolerate any tension that may arise, though it may interfere.
For the following, it's best to pause at every step. Do not rush through. It takes a few minutes (not seconds) to go through this.
Now,
1. Focus on your own self. Exclusively on your own self. (pause)
2. Is your body comfortable? Go on and try to feel your body. (pause)
3. If so, what's going on in your soul? How do you feel? (pause)
4. Now, are any of those things preventing you from relaxing and being present in the here and now with yourself? If so, you need to attend to those issues beforehand.
5. If you are currently relaxed, focus on yourself, again. (pause). Then head down, deep within yourself. To the very depths of you. Head deep, to the very basement within you, your most inner place. The place where your infant, young, little you is. We all have that place within ourselves.
5. Once you reach that inner part of yourself, try to understand how old is that small child you just found, what are they doing, how are they dressed, what do the sorroundings look like, and mostly how do they feel. Also, how did they end up there and if there are any adults with them or are they all by themselves. (pause)
Do what you feel you must with what you just unveiled. That inner child usually needs to be cuddled, lulled and soothed into a profound healing that ends up extending to deeply rooted issues and traumas.
Another dive,
1. Imagine your caregiver right in front of you. This is usually your mother.
2. Now visualize a string of light connecting your chest to their chest. That is your connection to them. (pause)
3. Take hold of all your sadness, tears, worries, depression or anxiety within you, and give them a color - if you feel they have different colors, pick the ones related to your tears and despair first. Intense feelings mostly.
4. Take that color within you and send it through the string of light, right into your caregiver's chest. FEEL yourself doing this, don't just imagine without intent. Send them everything, if you can. Sit here for a few moments, try to understand how you feel while doing this and how the other party feels or how they react in response. (stop and pause)
5. What happened just now?
Did it go through or did you refrain yourself?
Did the other party receive what you put in them with calmness, warmness, making you feel understood, protected, and loved?
Was the other party unable to truly receive what you sent them? Were they dismissive? Did they get uncomfortable or anxious?
Did they turn their back on you or tried to justify themselves while making you feel guilty or inadequate? Did they get angry?
Do this with the other colors as well, the ones assigned to your anxiety and/or helplessness and your anger, individually for every color. You can try it with both parents and also with your partner or spouse, though these are different relationships.
All this reflects our attachment styles, how we may feel and act more confidently or unsure of ourselves in regard to the world, to others and in our relationships.
If we did not have a good enough experience of being able to be and express EVERYTHING within ourselves to a caregiver (a parent or therapist, for instances), while feeling safe, understood and loved or truly cared for, then it's likely that we suffer from some degree of anxiety, depression and struggles in intimate relationships (unsatisfaction, demandingness, instability, etc.).
Dr. Diogo Gonçalves
Clinical Psychologist
Psychotherapist